L'Anglaise

The Big Goodbye

My very last day in Paris was spent in the Tuileries with the first Parisienne I had ever met. We commented how each of us had improved in each language, how our hair looked slightly different to before and how in due course, we would both be leaving our city.

As I went to pick up the children for the first time, I seemed to be in a dreamlike state. Wandering around the back streets, I seemed not to realise it would probably be the last time I had the chance to do so. I forgot to take in the sights and notice the little things; I was ignoring the reality of it all I guess.

I had been told that when the Mums and my replacement arrived, we would be having a quiet dinner at the house, just the 8 of us, nice and simple. When the Dad came home from work and announced carriages at eight, I was for once ignorant to the evening’s plans. I was told to put on a dress, have a glass of wine and just enjoy the evening ahead… one of the easier requests during the last year.

I was bundled into a taxi with my boss, and Rachel the girl I have entrusted with the children over the summer. As we made conversation and I tried to give her as many helpful tips as possible, my mind was constantly trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Where were we going? Was I forgetting to tell her anything vital?

We pulled up to the Pompidou Centre and my boss looked at me, “Any idea yet?” she asked with that mischievous glint in her eye. As I looked around me, I was still completely clueless…it was not until we were in the lift on our way to the sixth floor to Chez Georges, the prestigious Parisian rooftop restaurant on the top of one of my favourite museums that I finally twigged. I was shocked, touched and excited.

As we dined on lobster, sushi and seafood risotto the conversation flowed, as did the emotions. I found myself looking at the people around me, the two opposing worlds, and being so happy to see the fusion. It was lovely to see everyone making such an effort. My hosts were chattering away in English while the Mums made an effort in French and I played piggy-in –the-middle interpreting for them both.

As Rachel and I entertained the kids at our end of the table, I tried my hardest to pass on all the vital bits of information I could think of. Whether it was how Alfred likes his shoelaces tied or how Rose loves to play the Alphabet game, I felt like I was reciting all the little quirks I love about them. More than anything, I want the three of them to have fun this summer. I want it to run smoothly, I want it to be easy for them all.

I was trying my hardest to put a seal on the emotions I was feeling, I felt it would be better to just let it all out in the safety of the car on the journey home. Nevertheless, when my boss read me the speech she had prepared, the family all welled up and the children jumping on top of me for the last hugs and kisses; it was all a lot easier said than done.

 I went to bed than night in quite a muddle; emotionally exhausted.

As I loaded all my bags into the car, I was proud of my outward positive attitude. Underneath it all, I had the strange sensation of leaving one family and one home for another. As I took the kids in my arms, it was hard to fight it. I let the tears leak out and before I knew it, I turned round to see four other teary-eyed faces looking back at me.

When you work as an au pair, you are under the impression that the feelings you have towards the family you have made your nest among are not reciprocated. You feel it is just because you have spent time with them in a city where they made you a home. However, to see that it was not just me, to see that we were all a bit perturbed actually made me feel a little better. It was reassuring. It was nice to know I really would be missed.

I do not know if they will ever read this blog or ever know how much they really meant to me this last year. They welcomed me into their family more than I had ever really realised. I look back now, and I see. I see how they laid the foundations for the life I have been living.

It is a good job they invited me back in September, isn’t it?